Hope and Darkness
by Symee-Sama
Summary: “You can’t make this okay. Nothing will ever make this okay,” Relena whispered as the reality of their situation hit her and her hands began to shake. “They destroyed innocent lives on a whim…and it’s my fault that we don’t have the weapons to fight them.
1. The End of Hope

Hope and Darkness  
By Symee-Sama

Disclaimer: GW does not belong to me, and neither does 'Hope vol. II' by Apocalyptica

_Hope is beauty, personified_

He watched over her as he always did from the wings of the stage, his eyes managing to take in her every movement, and still be able to scan the crowd for possible threats. She was radiant in the bright lights of the stage, and he knew that the world was seeing her as he saw her. A guardian angel, sent down from the heavens to save the world from its current plight.

He had been just like them once. Only months before, he wouldn't have seen past the confident smile, or beautiful face either. Heero stood in the wings, watching the person he cared most for in this world, and wondered if he was happier now that he knew the woman behind the politician's mask.

Before, he had followed her blindly. She had been his ideal, a state of perfection that he could strive for, but never achieve. He set her up on the same pedestal that the world did, and although he protected her and saw for himself hints of the woman that she was, he never truly believed that she was fallible. She had saved him from self destruction, and he knew that some part of him would always see him as that perfect ideal.

The rest of him knew better now. He knew what she felt like under his hands. How delicate she looked when she was sleeping. How beautiful she looked when framed in moonlight…

He knew all of these things, and he cared for her above all others. He felt even closer to her now that she had stepped down from the pedestal he had put her on, and respected her more for the whispered fears he had learned about in the dark of the night.

She was as haunted as anyone in this world, and he…. Heero frowned as an overzealous reporter forced his way to the front. The question he shouted echoed around the suddenly silent auditorium.

"Miss Relena!" He cried, shoving his microphone into the air. "What are the chances of us winning against the forces that have massed outside the Earth's orbit?"

_At her feet the world, hypnotised._

She smiled at the reported, hope and faith radiating from her eyes. "I believe there is, yes," her gaze swept around the room, taking in the worried faces, and the smile faded ever so slightly. "But we have developed a contingency plan, in case the worse happens. All non-militants will be evacuated to shuttles that the ESUN has prepared for them. With our current technology, it will be possible to sustain our race for years. Giving us enough time to either find another inhabitable planet, or if necessary, to create colonies to sustain our race.

"All militants and volunteers for the draft are asked to report to the nearest military base by 1200 hours tomorrow, and we ask that all civilians be at the space ports by that time as well. I have faith in the strength of our people. We will turn back this force, and life will continue undisturbed. Please do not panic, these are merely safety precautions taken to ensure your safety."

The reporters in the crowd nodded to themselves, and took notes. "I can take one more question, and then I'm afraid that I must leave." She nodded at the first hand that shot into the air. "Your question, sir?"

"What of the Gundam pilots?" the stout reporter asked. "Since they are neither militant or civilian, what will they do?" He looked at her expectantly, obviously waiting for some carefully crafted reply.

Instead, Relena simply shrugged, betraying her ignorance. "As you said, the Gundam pilots are not part of the ESUN military, and cannot be assigned a place in the upcoming battle. If they were to volunteer, they would be drafted into our forces, but they will not be forced into a battle that they are not responsible for, nor will they be denied the safe passage on the emergency shuttles that is available to every citizen.

_A million flashes, a million smiles._

"Thank you for your time, gentlemen, ladies." Relena gave one last smile, and left, ignoring the flashes of the cameras, and walked into the wings, her smile fading as soon as she was out of the crowd's line of sight.

"You handled that well," Heero remarked, still unable to bring himself to touch her in public. "Especially that last question. You know that we're going to fight." He looked at her quizzically when she shook her head. "Relena…"

"I won't force any of the pilots into fighting this battle." Relena said softly. "I have a very good idea of what all of you will do, but I will not make you feel obligated to fight for us. That wouldn't be fair."

"Life isn't fair." Heero returned gruffly.

"Which is why I try to make it that way whenever it's within my power to do so." Relena walked past him, cold enough to make frost form and picked up her briefcase. "We should be going. I'm going to be late for my meeting with the ESUN brass."

He matched her stride for stride as she hurried towards the exit, but when they reached the doors, Heero stopped his hand on the knob. "Can you hear it?" He asked, and when she shook her head, h turned to face her. "There are people out there, probably reporters. Do you want to find another way out?"

She shook her head again. "I won't run away from my responsibilities." She steeled herself, and placed her own hand on the doorknob. "No matter how unpleasant I may find it."

_And on the catwalk, she flaunts her style._

He could admire her for the strength that she showed as she walked through those doors. None of the reporters that she talked to could tell that she would rather be anywhere but here, or that she held very little hope for the survival of the Earth against this new threat.

She had been a peacekeeper throughout two wars, but now, found herself in a position where she had to advocate fighting in order to protect all that she held dear. It was hurting her, he knew. To know that she would be sending people to their deaths. That her orders could save or destroy the homes of billions.

She was a key figure in this war, and she knew it. He also knew that she hated it. This wasn't something she should have to deal with, and if he could, he would take this weight off her shoulders, but it was impossible.

It was her that the public loved, he mused as she made her way through the swarm of reporters. No one would ever be able to replace that wide eyed innocence and blind faith that had endeared her to the public in the first place. They would follow her willingly to their deaths, because they believed in her and her bid for peace.

He shook his head slightly as he helped her into the car. Maybe they were all fools.

_But in this heart of darkness, our hope lies lost and torn._

Relena wasn't afraid as she faced down a boardroom full of men decades older than she was. They were decided on what they were going to do, but so was she, and she wasn't about to let them put her away because she wasn't needed anymore.

"You are more of a public figure, Miss Dorlian," General Warwick said from beside her, putting a soothing hand over hers. "It is not necessary for you to take place in this meeting. You will be informed about what happened here in the morning."

"I'm already here," Relena said through gritted teeth. "I might as well stay for the meeting I was invited for."

"That was before certain things came to our attention." Thee general looked at the rest of the board for support. "Miss Dorlian, if you stay, you will be forced to lie to the public, and we know that goes against everything that you stand for."

"Is that what you'll use to chase me away?" Relena mused, not the least bit mollified. "I don't know about you, general, but I have a pretty good idea about what our chances are. I've seen the reports on the technology that our enemy has and the size of their army.

"I knew they were here less than three hours after they appeared in our solar system, and reported to you, expecting your military expertise to help the situation. I agree, I am not skilled in the arts of warfare, but you will not shut me out of this council because of that. I am your voice to the people, and I must be kept informed of the doings of the council."

"Miss Dorlian…"

"You wouldn't even know they were here if it weren't for me," Relena ignored the interruption, determined to make herself heard. "So don't worry about me having to lie to the public. I have not caused unnecessary panic before by telling the truth, I will not start now." She sat down, her eyes cold as ice. "Now, tell me what you've found."

"There's been an ambassador from the enemy." The general sighed heavily. "He spoke English, and knew much more information about us then he should. He came to tell us their intentions, and to put it bluntly, Miss Dorlian, they're hoping for a massacre. They want us to come and fight.

"The ambassador was a slave of theirs. They would not debase themselves by coming to talk to us personally, but we learned what we needed from him. He was an inhabitant of a planet called Gerian. He explained to us what the enemy had done to his planet." He paused for a moment to catch his breath. "Basically, Miss Dorlian, they're planet killers. They're going to kill all those that they don't need, and enslave the rest. Then they will use our planet until it is completely depleted of natural resources. The amabassador said there is no hope, to resist is to die."

"Planet killers," Relena repeated numbly, pressing a hand to her forehead. "What are your plans, general?"

"They haven't changed," he told her, and she nodded slightly. "You look unwell, Miss Dorlian, would you please take your leave?"

_All fame like love is fleeting when there's no hope anymore._

She was too numb to argue with him. She felt Heero's hand on her arm and let him lead her out of the boardroom. She couldn't remember the car ride home, or reaching her house. All she could think of was what the general had said.

_Planet killers… going to kill all those they don't need…there is no hope, to resist is to die…_

She looked up in surprise when she realised that she was in her room, lying beside Heero. "Snap out of it," he ordered, shaking her slightly. "There are things you have to do, Relena." He turned on the TV, and switched it to the news, before taking his place just out of her line of sight.

"And in recent news, the Vice Foreign Minister issued a statement today about the impending battle that we will be facing. She has asked for all volunteers and militants to report to the nearest military base. Widescale riots started in many major cities after the address. No one wants to fight this new threat, and the people are calling for the Vice Foreign Minister to do something to avert it."

Relena's shoulders slumped forward, and she buried her face in her hands. "I didn't ask for this to happen!"

"No one did, Relena," his words hit her like a slap. "But it's your job to pick up the pieces. These people need you, and no one else can do this job for you. So snap out of it." Using all her strength, she summoned a shield of indifference around her heart.

"Thank you for your suggestions, Mr. Yuy," she said coolly, trying her hardest to ignore the sheen of hurt that covered his eyes. "That will be all I need you for. You may go."

He pulled her to her feet so quickly that her head spun, and jerked her onto her toes so she was forced to look him in the eye. "Don't play this game with me, Relena." He practically growled, pulling her closer to him, his lips mere inches from hers. "Don't think that being an ice queen is going to drive me away from you."

"Did you ever consider that I simply didn't want your company?" Relena couldn't think, could barely form cohesive sentences. He was too close to her, and she had to stop this while she still could. "Put me down at once. I won't be manhandled." She nearly sighed with relief when he lowered her to the ground. "Besides. I have work to do." She added, almost as an afterthought, and struggled to break free from his embrace.

"You're not running from either issue," Heero said softly, pressing his lips against hers, and stealing her breath away. "I won't let you run away from this, or me."

She pushed him away, angry at his presumption. "I'm not running from anything. I thought we agreed to keep this to casual sex."

"And I thought we agreed not to lie to each other," Heero countered, leaning against the wall.

If looks could kill… he mused as she turned to face him, her eyes deadly. "I'm not lying to you! There's nothing more to this than sex. Heaven knows we both needed it."

"If it's only sex," he had her trapped again before she could blink. "Then why do you tremble when I touch you?" He ran his finger down her spine to demonstrate his point, loving how she shook in his arms. "I'll be back for you tonight to see if you've stopped lying to yourself." His hands moved to cup her face, and she closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss that she knew was coming.

But it never came. He simply brushed his thumb over her lips, and smiled. "I'll see you tonight," he promised, and then was gone, leaving her alone in the room with nothing but the news report to keep her company.

Author's Note: I'm actually trying to write a romantic fic... first one with a romantic intent. I'm a little scared about it. So please tell me what you think! and to those who are asking.. I'll be updating my series stories in the order they're in on my profile... So from oldest to newest. Thanks!


	2. Warning Shot

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, I didn't make any money from writing this fic, but wouldn't it be a great world if I could?

**Hope and Darkness: Chapter Two  
By Symee-Sama**

WARNING: SOME ADULT SCENES

The room was dark, lit only by the desk lamp that Relena had turned on when the room had become too dark for her to read without damaging her eyes. For hours she had read over the military reports that the Preventors had sent her. All of them had told her the same thing.

There was no way for them to win this war.

The enemy force that was currently orbiting the earth seemed to have weapons of great force, but the Preventors had no knowledge of how to fight them. There were an unknown multitude of them that there was no way of calculating. The Preventors had intercepted transmissions from them, but didn't have the equipment or the knowledge to decipher them.

Relena sighed and rested her head in her hands. There had to be something, some way to defeat them, but she couldn't see it. The Gundams were Earth's best chance, but she had ordered them destroyed. The weapons plants that could have generated enough power for the humans to have a fighting chance, she had closed.

Guilt nagged at the edges of her mind and her eyes filled with tears before she dashed them away. There was no time for that now; there was no time for useless emotions and guilt. She had already signed the orders to start the reconstruction of the Gundams and had reopened the plants, but she had no idea if it would be enough.

Was it her fault that the world had been left helpless against this unknown force?

She jerked as the thought came into her head and guilt threatened once again to consume her. The reports that lay scattered in front of her seemed repulsive and she stood, walking a careful distance away from them so she could collect her thoughts. She had been so concerned with her own ideals, had been so sure that pacifism could work that she had never even stopped to consider the possibility that they would have to deal with something other than humans fighting against each other.

She'd told the world that there would be enough ships to evacuate the citizens of the planet, but as she had just discovered, there weren't enough for any more than half of them. More space-jets were being produced at the highest rate possible, but there was no guarantee that it would be enough. Her blood chilled at the thought of half the people on this planet being left to die while she, an important political figure, was transported off the Earth in a private spacecraft.

Relena pressed a hand to her forehead as if that would make the pressure that was building there dissipate. There was so much more she needed to do… she glanced at the television, only half-watching the news report that dominated the screen.

"…protestors have gathered around the ESUN Parliament, demanding that Vice Foreign Minister Dorlian give them an explanation for today's speech. The main concern was the Vice Foreign Minister's decision to shut down many weapons production plants that many believe would have given the Earth an edge against these unidentified attackers. The protests have been peaceful so far, but may become violent if a clearer idea of Earth's situation is not presented. In other news…"

The pictures and words blurred together into a jumbled roar within Relena's mind. The people blamed her and they were right to do so. She slid in a boneless heap to the floor as the reality of the situation began to sink in.

Through her desire to eradicate war, she had destroyed the best hope of her people's survival.

The tears again threatened to fall and again, she dashed them away. She didn't have time for them now. She had made a terrible mistake, and it was time for her to make things right again. Stepping down from her position crossed her mind, but only for a moment. Resigning would change nothing and only further complicate things. She had to be strong, she thought furiously as she willed the strength to return to her limbs.

On unsteady legs, she crossed over to her desk and with renewed determination, began to look at the reports she had abandoned earlier. There were so many things to consider in these reports, and there had to be something more she could do, something she had overlooked that would help their cause.

She sighed as she turned the page of a lengthy report, reading and taking notes on key points. _Let them hate me,_ she thought hopelessly, _but let them live._

_&8&8&8&8&_

She was slumped over the desk when Heero found her, her breathing even and slow. His heart broke a little as he watched her sleep. She had the weight of the entire world resting on her shoulders and there was no easy way to deal with the situation they were in. Heero moved quietly and without waking her, picked her up. Things had been easier before when the most pressing problem was whether or not to dispense government funds into the creation of a new colony.

He laid her on the bed as gently as he could, freezing when she stirred slightly. Even after all these years of being by her side, and even after all these months of being her lover, he still felt like a thief who had taken something that wasn't his. Heero grimaced slightly at his own thoughts and moved to lie down beside her.

"Heero?" Relena's voice wavered slightly as she turned to see who held her. "You came." She sighed softly, and moved until her head was nestled on his shoulder. "I wasn't sure if you would."

"I promised you, didn't I?" He brushed a kiss across her forehead and tightened his hold on her. "Go to sleep." He ordered softly, holding her tight against him when she tried to get up. "I mean it, Relena. You need sleep."

"I need to work," Relena countered and tried futilely to free herself from his embrace, glaring at him when she couldn't. "What are you, my nanny?"

"When I have to be," Heero countered without missing a beat and gripping her arms, rolled so that she was beneath him, pinned to the bed by his body. "Although I have to say, I prefer being your boyfriend." He grinned at her and Relena's eyes narrowed. She knew that when Heero grinned like that…

Heero lowered his head, still grinning slightly as he brushed her neck with his lips and nibbled on the sensitive skin that he found there. He could feel her body begin to stir beneath him and satisfied that she wouldn't try to fight him off, he let his hands wander where they wished.

Relena bit her lip to keep from crying out as he skimmed over her hips, her mind racing. No matter how many times they had sex, it always seemed new. Familiar and new at the same time. She moaned softly, and surrendered to the sensations that Heero brought out in her.

"You idiot," she laughed breathlessly as she drew his head up until his lips hovered mere inches above hers. "If you wanted sex, why didn't you just ask?"

There was a look in Heero's eyes that she couldn't decipher, but it was gone so quickly that she thought that maybe she had imagined it. He ignored her question, deciding instead to steal her breath away with a heart stopping kiss. "It's more fun." He whispered, and she frowned, fighting through a haze of arousal in an attempt to understand what he was trying to say.

He noticed her expression and smiled inwardly. "This way is more fun than simply asking," he clarified and leaned forward to capture her mouth again.

Relena was on fire. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think. With the last of her coherence, she damned Heero and his clever fingers and then there was nothing to do but feel. His body was twined with hers and as he explored her body, she swore she could hear bells ringing…

Her mind cleared slowly as if she were a diver pushing her way to the surface. Heero had stopped his ministrations and was now sitting a few feet away from her, staring intently at the door. "Do you want me to answer it?" he asked softly, already knowing what the answer would be.

"No, I'll do it," Relena straightened herself up as best she could and then opened the door to see a messenger standing before her. "I'm sorry I took so long, I didn't hear the door." She smiled as gently as she could at the young boy who looked at her with awe. "Can I help you with something?"

Relena's words called the boy back to his purpose there and he handed over a package. "I was told that it was urgent, Miss Dorlian. I was to get this to you no matter what. It's from General Warwick," the courier babbled inanely for a moment before Relena placed a restraining hand on his arm.

"Does the General need a reply?" she asked softly and when the boy shook his head, she thanked him, and advised him to get some rest before she shut the door. As soon as the door closed she slumped against it, staring at the missive in her hands as if it were some poisonous snake that would rear its head and attack her at any moment.

"Are you going to open it?" Relena jumped and looked up to see that Heero was leaning against the doorjamb of the bedroom. She had forgotten that he was in the apartment, had forgotten everything but the envelope that was in her hand.

"I don't know if I can," Relena admitted, ashamed at her own weakness in this time of war. "It can't be good news, not if it was this urgent." She hardly noticed when Heero grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the door. She was so focused on the missive that she didn't even realise that she was in her bedroom until Heero gently pushed her into a sitting position on her bed.

With trembling hands, she ripped the envelope and quickly scanned the piece of paper that she pulled out. Heero watched as her eyes widened and she scanned it again, resisting the urge to rip the paper away from her. Her eyes filled with tears that she quickly dashed away before turning to face the Gundam pilot.

"The enemy has fired a warning shot," her hands shook furiously, but her voice was calm as she turned to face him. "They thought that it might be a useful way to demonstrate their power. They thought that we weren't taking them seriously. So they destroyed a city…"

"Relena…" Heero reached for her, drawing her close to him and gently pulling the missive out of her hands. "It's going to be okay. I will make this okay somehow." He pressed her lips against her forehead fiercely as if that would chase away the thoughts that haunted her.

"You can't make this okay. Nothing will ever make this okay," Relena whispered as the reality of their situation hit her once again and her hands resumed their shaking. "They destroyed ten thousand innocent lives on a whim…and it's my fault that we don't have the weapons to fight them." Heero pulled her tightly against him as tears flooded her eyes and finally giving into her grief, she buried her face in her lover's shoulder and wept.

&8&8&8&8&

Heero stayed awake long after Relena had worn herself out from crying. There was something nagging at the back of his mind. A tiny presence that refused to go away, and kept him awake for hours after Relena's breathing had slowed.

For the first time, real fear invaded his mind. He knew that there was a way that mankind could win. He knew without a doubt that there was a small flaw that the enemy had overlooked in their arrogance. There always was, but there was always a price for victory, and he knew somehow that he would be the one to pay it.

He closed his eyes, trying hard to relax by concentrating on Relena's breathing and matching his to hers. Normally this would've put him to sleep within minutes, but this time there was still something bothering him. He felt like there was something more that he needed to do before he could let himself sleep.

He slowly eased away from Relena, careful not to wake her as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. There was something he needed to do, but what was it? What was so important that it couldn't possibly wait until morning?

His thoughts drifted back to the missive that Relena had received, he'd known by the look on her face that something horrible had happened. But there was something more than that… He'd known long before she'd even gotten the missive. He'd known the details of the attack and the casualties. He hadn't even touched the missive since he had pulled it out of Relena's hands, but he knew that the time of the attack was at 2300 hours.

How had he known this? He let his mind drift further back as he watched Relena sleep. Even in sleep he could see the burden that the situation had placed on her, she moved slightly, her mind restless even as it recharged.

Heero frowned, at 11:00 that night, he had been on his way to see Relena. What was his mind trying to tell him? He let himself drift more, finally beginning to feel tired as he searched desperately for what was naggin at the back of his thoughts. He glanced at Relena again and then at the missive that lay on the floor a few feet away from the bed.

_Destruction of the human city complete. The attack was carried out at the peak of their moon's rise as requested. There are no survivors for a deacon around the city. Approximately ten thousand humans were killed, putting a dent in their population, but still leaving enough of them to be of use._

Suddenly Heero was wide awake, his eyes wide with a knowledge that he had never asked for. He had heard that statement in his head earlier that night and had dismissed it as lack of sleep. It was only when the missive for Relena had come that he had come to suspect the truth of the statement in the back of his mind.

_No!_ He thought vehemently, clutching his head. There was no way that this could happen. He sat there, his head cradled in his hands, desperately searching for a reason, any reason why he would have known about the attack.

He got up and moved to the window, his hands clenched into fists. He needed to tear something apart. Sweat ran down his face and he wiped at it irritably. There must be some reasoning for all of this. Using all the self control that being a Gundam Pilot had graced him with, he forced himself to calm down and look at things rationally.

What he'd heard had been impossible. He must've heard about the attack somewhere before he had reached Relena's apartment, or he could've accidentally tapped into a military signal while he was driving, or maybe he was just operating on too little sleep and had imagined the connection and the voice in his head…

But even to him, the excuses sounded false and hollow. The radio wouldn't have had such detailed information before the Vice Foreign Minister and no report would sound as callous as what he'd heard. It was impossible for a civilian car to tap into the Preventor's radio signals unless he had the proper equipment, which his car didn't, and he couldn't have imagined all this, could he?

He turned back to face the bed, prepared to accept the only rational explanation he could think of, and as he moved closer to his sleeping lover, a great weariness overtook him. It had fallen to him once again to put himself into harm's way for the good of the ESUN.

He lay back down, wrapping his arms around Relena once more. He knew that she wanted him to run away from this fight, and now there was no way for him to. He might have tried to stay off the front lines before, probably not, but he might have tried…

And now, with this new found revelation, he knew he was going to be placed directly in the front lines. Whether by actually being ordered there, or by his own will, he was going to be there. It was possible that he held the key to winning this war and he couldn't ignore that.

Relena murmured softly in her sleep and snuggled against him. Heero tightened his grip on her, tracing the lines of her face with his finger. He felt like he'd already lost her, that his newfound gift had already placed her beyond his reach, and it hurt, it hurt more than any injury he'd ever sustained.

He knew already what his fate would be. He knew where his destiny lay, and he wouldn't fight it, not if it meant that he could save her. He would go to see Zechs tomorrow and would talk with the other Gundam pilots. He knew that they would support him once they understood the situation, but still, his heart was breaking. He would have to leave Relena. Even now, he understood that after the invasion truly began, he would never see her again.

He could hear the enemy in his head… and because he could, he was going to die.

**TBC**

Author's Note: "A Reason to Change" was supposed to be the next fic that I updated, but I got caught up in this story and just had to get it out. I'm sorry for anyone who was waiting for the update for the other fic... I'd like to thank Purdy for helping me out with this fic (Merry Christmas!), and to everyone who reviewed for the first chapters. It was your reviews that made me get my butt in gear and finish this chapter. Your comments really helped. I hope you guys like this chapter as much as you liked the last one, and as always, if you find anything that absolutely begs to be made fun of or criticised, review and let me know. :p

Symee


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